Anal sex is growing in popularity among today’s couples, but unfortunately there are still some misconceptions and myths about the act that prevents other couples from trying it themselves.
The main concern about anal sex is how much it’s going to hurt, and that fear is what keeps a lot of people from giving it a try. Let’s look at the myths and the truths about anal sex.
The Myth: Anal Sex Hurts
There are a lot of misconceptions about anal sex, and pain during anal sex is perhaps people’s number one concern. In most cases, as long as you use a lot of lubrication, anal sex doesn’t have to hurt.
Of course, if you’re new to this type of sex and you’re still tight in that area, it may hurt some at first, just like vaginal sex did when you first tried it. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to stay that way for long.
There are some things you can do to make anal sex hurt a lot less, and these include the following:
- Don’t expect anal sex to be like it is in porn movies. After all, is any type of sex just like you see in porn? Above all else, anal sex takes preparation, so you’re not likely to just jump into it the very first time you try it.
- Preparation means talking about it first. This may sound corny, but it is crucial, especially if this is your first time. Conversations about condoms, when to let your partner know to stop if it gets uncomfortable, and how far to go the first time you try it are all important things to talk about beforehand.
- You cannot go to full-anal intercourse right away. You have to train your anal sphincters to take smaller objects first. This can include butt plugs and other sex toys. Keep in mind that the sphincter is a muscle, and it needs to be exercised to increase its flexibility.
- Taking it slow is easier when you purchase an anal dilation kit, which allows you to stretch your sphincter muscle slowly over time. You can also start by inserting a toy or penis and not letting it go all the way in, then waiting a while and trying it again. You can insert it further into the anus each time you play until it is comfortable to insert it all the way.
Before you try full penetration, it is best to insert the toy or penis part of the way in at least five or six times before going any further. Take your time, in other words, because each person is different.
In fact, it can take several weeks to go from being an “anal virgin” to full anal intercourse, regardless of your initial comfort level.
Why Anal Sex Can Hurt
The most obvious reason for painful anal sex is a tight anal sphincter muscle, which everyone has in the very beginning. Simply put, the anal muscles need time to stretch out and become more flexible, which doesn’t happen overnight.
Again, starting out slowly is your best bet when trying anal sex for the first time. It is also good to pay attention to the other reasons why anal sex might be painful for you, including:
- An undetected problem. If you keep experiencing pain during anal or any other type of sex, it is wise to pay a visit to your doctor. If you receive a full medical exam, it could reveal a problem you didn’t know you had. A good comprehensive examination will detect any medical or physical problem you might be having, which can then be treated.
- Your attitude towards anal sex. Do you even want to have anal sex? Just like vaginal sex, if you aren’t interested in anal sex or simply don’t feel like doing it, your body is going to react. If this happens, it won’t matter how much you prepare or how much lube you’re using, because the act just won’t work.
- The need for lubrication. Keep in mind that unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce a lot of lubrication on its own. This means that even if you’re used to anal sex, you still need to use a lot of lubrication for it to be painless for you.
- That “full” feeling. It is also good to remember that if you experience a feeling of fullness in the rectum and anal canal, it may be just because you aren’t yet used to anal sex. Unless something else is wrong physically – which will be made apparent in your doctor’s visit – that full feeling should go away after a period of time.
Stretching out the sphincter muscle and taking your time, not to mention using a lot of lube, should take away most and eventually all of the pain you’re feeling during anal sex.
If it doesn’t, it is time to see your doctor again. Just like vaginal sex, anal sex should eventually feel comfortable and painless once you’re used to it.
Pain During Anal Sex: What to Do
So, you already know the basics of anal sex and what to do to reduce the amount of pain you feel during the act, so let’s start by reviewing a few of the general rules that are applicable to anal sex.
These rules are especially important if you’ve never done it before or have only participated in it a handful of times. These rules include:
- Talking to your partner beforehand so that you’re on the same page.
- Start by masturbating with your fingers or any of the small sex toys now on the market.
- Always, always use a lot of lubrication.
- Never rush anal sex, even if you’re a pro at it.
Think of anal sex like touching your toes. The first time you try it, it usually doesn’t work and it may even hurt. Over time, however, once your muscles are stretched out and you practice and practice it, the act of touching your toes gets a lot easier and more comfortable.
The same can be said for anal sex. That sphincter muscle has to be stretched out properly for the act to be successful and pain free.
Another fact you need to be aware of is that, even after you’re “used” to anal sex, there may be days where it just doesn’t work right. This is normal. If that ever happens, just stop doing it.
There is never any reason to feel pain while you’re having sex, because even when you’re certain you don’t have any medical problems, sex is best when it isn’t painful – unless that’s what you want!
If you experience a sting-like feeling or the feeling of friction while you’re having anal sex, it is a sign that you need to use more lube. If you don’t add more lube, your hesitancy to go any further may cause your body to tighten up even more, which means even more pain. Again, a good lube is the best suggestion, and make sure you use a lot of it.
If you experience pain that feels deeper and more like it’s within your muscles, it is likely because those muscles are not yet loose enough. When this happens, go back to inserting something smaller into the anus, and gradually use toys that are a little bigger each time you use them.
f you experience pain that feels deeper and more like it’s within your muscles, it is likely because those muscles are not yet loose enough.
When this happens, go back to inserting something smaller into the anus, and gradually use toys that are a little bigger each time you use them. You simply need looser anal muscles when this happens, so going back and using smaller toys is usually the answer.
How to Have Pain-Free Anal Sex
Having pain-free anal sex is your ultimate goal, and even though it may take some time, it will be worth it in the end because you can finally start to enjoy having sex this way.
In addition to the tips already discussed, there are a few other things to keep in mind when you wish to have anal sex that feels good. These include:
- Never use a numbing cream. Many couples think this is the solution when anal sex is painful, but it can actually do more harm than good. Because of the numbness, it may feel like you are using the right amount of lube even if you aren’t. This can result in small anal tears that you won’t feel immediately because of the numbing cream, but which you will certainly feel later on.
- Remember to take care of yourself afterwards. Don’t sit on the toilet and try to squeeze the lube out of the anal area. Your anal muscles need 10 to 15 minutes to relax, then wash the area with a warm washcloth or a hypoallergenic wipe.
- If there is a little bit of blood the next time you wipe yourself, not to worry. It usually means you just need to use more lube the next time you have sex. If there is a lot of blood, or it doesn’t stop bleeding after about five minutes, it is time to see your doctor. There is no need to be shy around doctors – they’ve heard this before, and they can help you determine what to do next.
After care can go a long way in protecting your sensitive anal area so that the next time will be even less painful. Enjoying pain-free anal sex isn’t that difficult if you follow some simple rules.
The main thing to remember if you want to enjoy anal sex is one word – preparation. If you rush into this type of sex, it is much more likely to be painful, which means you’re less likely to give it another try later on.
Another suggestion for enjoying pain-free anal sex is for whoever is doing the inserting to let the other person know when anything is going to be inserted before it actually happens.
In other words, there should be no surprises when it comes to the penetration itself. That way, the person receiving anal sex is more prepared, more relaxed, and better prepared for the act.
You can also relax your anal muscles by bearing down in a manner that is similar to when you sit on the toilet, except by a much lesser degree. This causes the muscles to open up more easily so that the sex act is more comfortable.
Be warned, however, that you may have to practice this technique for a while before you perfect it. Still, it is a good trick to remember when you want anal sex to be more comfortable and less painful.
Lubrication During Anal Sex
There are hundreds of sexual lubricants on the market today, so choosing one for anal sex isn’t at all difficult. Much of it depends on the type of anal sex you’re having, because different types of lube work best with certain types of anal sex.
There are no hard-and-fast rules when it comes to choosing your lubricant; however, below are a few general rules you should apply:
- For fingering or anal massage, use coconut oil.
- For the act of anal sex itself, use a silicone-based lubricant.
- For the act of rimming, try flavored lubricants.
- For use with sex toys, you should check the instructions on the packaging and go by what they recommend.
- Use thicker rather than thin lubrication products, because the thinner ones are formulated for use in the vagina.
- Never use numbing creams or lotions of any type.
You can use water-based lubes for anal sex as well, because they won’t hurt you, but since the water in the products absorbs quickly, you may have to reapply it often, which is an inconvenience.
When you use coconut oil or a silicone-based lubricant you won’t have that problem, which is why water-based lubes aren’t recommended for anal sex.
There are also lubes that are hybrids, which means they use both silicone and water as ingredients. If you’re interested in this type of lube, it is a good idea to try a few of them out and see which one works best for you. They are all different, so a little experimentation is all you need to come up with the perfect one for your needs.
The important thing to remember is that lubes are a must when you’re participating in anal sex, even if you’ve done it a hundred times already.
The right amount of lube makes a big difference in how you feel about anal sex – both physically and emotionally. If you’re interested in this type of sex, take it slow and never give up; and most of all, use lots of lube!
Myths About Anal Sex
As with many other taboo subjects, there are a lot of myths and misconceptions regarding anal sex. To truly enjoy this type of sex act, you have to separate fact from fiction, and below are some of the concerns expressed by people who want to enjoy anal sex, but who still have some misconceptions about it:
- Concerns about stool getting all over the place. This is nothing to be concerned about, because fecal matter is actually contained a little higher than the anal area, in an area known as the sigmoid colon. If you’re healthy and regular, the anal canal should be clean enough to participate in anal sex.
- Concerns about needing an enema first. No, you do not need an enema before you have anal sex. If you’re overly concerned about being “clean” down there, simply relieve yourself in the bathroom before enjoying your time in the bedroom.
- Concerns about needing a prostate to enjoy it. This, too, is untrue. Men who have had their prostates removed can still enjoy anal sex fully. This has been proven again and again in medical studies.
- Concerns over condom use. If you’re concerned about STDs such as AIDS and others, it is always best to use a condom. Just because you aren’t participating in vaginal sex doesn’t mean you don’t have to be concerned about STDs.
- Concerns about the anus getting “too” stretched out. Again, this is untrue. Your anus does not get more stretched out every time you have anal sex. Just like vaginal sex, anal sex causes your anus to stretch to a certain point then it stops.
- Concerns about messiness and dirtiness. There is no need to be concerned about this. You can have “clean” anal sex if you do it right. Of course, it isn’t smart to have anal sex right before having vaginal sex, but you can avoid complications by cleaning yourself up real well in between the two sex acts.
- Concerns about permanent physical damage. Again, this is untrue. While it’s true that both anal and vaginal sex can cause micro tears if done improperly or without enough lube, anal sex is very unlikely to cause any serious damages, especially if you respect the rules.
Anal sex is no longer the mystery it once was, and women, as well as men, are enjoying it with stunning frequency. Concerns about the pain associated with the act are usually unfounded, especially once you realize you can’t just jump right into it and enjoy anal sex like they do in the movies. It takes some time and patience, but you, too, can be one of those people whose enjoyment of anal sex knows no bounds.